Chapter 40: New Year, Same Me

Dear readers,

2016 is here and I’m sure lots of people have been thinking about New Years’ resolutions. This month, people across the world will be trying to mark the new year by casting away their inner demons and getting a grip on their indulgences. For a lot of people, they’ll be saying “new year, new me” like it’s their new motto in life, full of confidence that whatever resolution they made, they’ll keep to it and feel better in the process.

That’s what’s supposed to happen in theory but in practice, Operation New Years’ resolutions ends up as Operation Get Turnt & Forget You Even Made Any Resolutions. The “new year, new me” is so cliche, a wedge of cheese has the grated over the phrase to show how incredibly cheesy it is. Seriously, how many times have you heard that phrase from someone you know and deep down, you’re thinking “bitch please, I know you already broke your resolutions before you even thought of them”. I’m not a fake person, I don’t have to reinvent myself into someone I’m not, I know how not to act like a fuckboy, the sort of guy who spends his entire wages on flashy trainers and fancy clothes in order to chat up girls when he doesn’t even have enough food in his fridge to keep himself fed. I didn’t know just because it’s January, you have to make a pinky promise to yourself not to fuck up for the year or even because everyone else is doing it and you want to fit in and as for you lot making resolutions because you want to sound relevant, please slap yourselves right now, I don’t accept that kind of foolishness.

You might think I’m being moody for no reason but really I’m being a realist (or pessimist if you already hate me for what I’ve already said). I don’t buy putting myself in a fantasy world full of unicorns and rainbows where everyone is always happy and we sit around having tea parties all the times and everyone lives happily ever after because number one, I must be as high as a kite, tripping on the dankest weed to believe in that farce and number two, I’m don’t need to go to the fantasy world because I’m not trying to escape the reality.

It’s a new year but I’m still the same guy, why change something that isn’t broken? I don’t get the “new year, new me” phrase any more, it’s just looks like an excuse for a load of people to act like they’re the most righteous people in the world but after a few weeks or even a few days, they’re really just hypocrites running their mouths for no reason. Plus, if you’re talking crap about other people doing the things that you’ll eventually end up doing too, please slap yourselves again, I don’t accept this kind of foolishness either.

In short, resolutions for the New Year are overrated, now if you excuse me, I have to think of some resolutions that I know I’ll fail within the end of this month.

Dr. R

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Chapter 39: Behind Closed Doors

Dear readers,

With the rise of social media, it’s become increasingly easier to share your thoughts, words, likes, dislikes, fascinations, opinions, pictures, the list goes on with the rest of the world. I look at some of the pictures I see on Instagram or the tweets I see on Twitter or even the posts I see here on WordPress and I sometimes think “Wow, life’s really treating you well.”

The fancy cars, the beautiful girls, the handsome guys, the expensive watch with the dazzling jewellery, the perfect looking families with the holidays that look out of this world, the food that makes you drool when you gaze at it, the awe-inspiring experiences that make you feel envy because you want to be the one enjoying those moments. I could ramble on and on but I’m not because I’ve learned that sometimes, some people make the most amazing looking posts or upload pictures that look dope because it’s a way of escaping their reality, a reality that doesn’t match the reality that their content is trying to portray.

The way I see it, no-one knows what’s really going on behind the post or behind the tweet or behind the picture or behind the status. You might see a picturesque, landscape shot that looks epic but would it look as epic to look at without the filter over it and what’s going on outside of the shot, maybe the shot looks nice because it’s focusing on the only part of the landscape that’s actually decent enough to take a picture of, the rest of the landscape might look like a barren wasteland and the shot’s trying to avoid that.

You might see a post on social media that’s seems harmless at first but in fact, it’s a cry for help, a cry from someone in need that their perfect looking life is in fact a facade, the cracks are starting to show but it takes someone with the eyes of a eagle to notice them. It’s kinda scary to think how gullible we could be to think that the lives of others are more worthwhile than our own just because of a few fancy pictures and paragraph after paragraph of narcissistic drivel, each one materialistic in form but each with a soul that is shallow and empty.

What’s the point of blagging about your fancy car and expensive watch if you can’t pay the bills or put food on the table for yourself or your family to eat. What’s the point of telling the world how attractive your other half is when your relationship is hideous. What’s the point of taking a picture of your food and uploading it on Instagram when it’s about the same size of a pea and costs your entire monthly wages. What’s the point of being envious when you have nothing to be envious about in the first place. What’s the point of making yourself sad that you don’t have the big things in life and fail to appreciate the little that you have.

Some people will do anything just to have some attention, they’re so far up their own asses that they can’t see how shallow they look no matter how much stuff they have. At the end of the day, not everyone knows what goes on behind closed doors, don’t believe everything you see on social media is as innocent or as rosy as it seems.

Dr. R

 

Chapter 37: A Tale Of Two Faces

Dear readers,

A tale of two faces, both completely different. One face seeks to spare, the other to destroy. All of us will encounter these faces, some innocent, some not so innocent and some so far from innocent you wonder whether certain people are simply monsters, unable to feel any emotions.

Life is a struggle. Those hard times where you just have to look up to God and pray for a break. Putting your heart and soul into breathing life into your dreams so that they become real. You look around for the people whose shoulders to cry on when the grind gets tough, your ears eager to hear words of wisdom to help set you on the right path. But what faces do you really see? Does the person in front of you have a face pure in its intentions to help you or do you see a mask, concealing the true face, a face of deception, hypocrisy, a face that would gladly see you fail but one that would turn glum upon you rising up against the adversity.

To put it simple, does the person in front of you emit a red aura and have horns coming out their heads or does that person have a white aura with a halo glowing just above their head. It can be hard to work out which way the cookie crumbles but through their actions, you might be able to work out which of the people near you need to be kept near and which need to kept far away from you. Life is hard, get used to it because every now and again, a spanner will be thrown into the works to cause you problems, forcing you to think about how to resolve the problems. The angels in your life may not have the answers but they will console you, try to understand your situation and make it seem like you’re finding the tide all by yourself. The angels find the positives amongst the swamp of challenges in your way, motivate you to conquer all the challenges, your head up high with confidence knowing that their backs are covered if the worst happens. Most importantly though, at times it might seem like they’re being a nuisance to you, keep them close because at the end of the day, they want the best for you, even when you yourself can’t see what’s good for you.

The devils though are different. Instead of playing a part in your ascension, they’ll be plotting your downfall, ready to laugh at you with glee at the sight of you looking more miserable and more pathetic than Cinderella being bullied by her ugly step-sisters. The devils might seem like they’re helping when in fact, they’re doing the opposite. They are the ones guiding you into the path of banana skins on the track rather than out of their way, I mean who does that, how horrible a person do you have to be to want someone to fail. Jealousy? Hatred? Contempt? A lack of fulfillment? Almost anything could trigger someone you know to turn on you. It’s scary to think that even close friends and family could even turn into devils when you only though of them as angels. The future is uncertain, those there riding with you may not be taking the same ride as you in the future, people move on with new people filling the voids.

So with that in mind, choices have to be made in this tale of two faces. Which faces are the ones you’re meant to discard? Which faces are the ones meant to be cherished? It’s not as easy as it sounds, people not only move on but they change too. One minute, they could be distant, emotionally unattached to you with their own goals on their own path but the next minute, everything could change and suddenly, they become your ride or dead against the world, your heart beats perfectly synced as your paths merge together to become one. Do you cherish their presence or do you curse the day you even met them, this is clearly a tale packed with dilemmas and with that come cliffhangers to keep you on your toes, emotions racing as you struggle to keep a calm head. Ultimately for those clinging on the edge of the cliff, the angels glowing white will drag them over the edge and back to safety while the devils burning red will stand there and watch you slowly lose your grip and fall to your demise.

Perhaps a lesson to be learned here is to keep friends close and your enemies closer so that when your enemies cast their eyes on you, they’ll wither like a dying plant seeing you shine bright like a diamond. Perhaps reading this, you yourselves feel like the dying plant because someone you wanted to see fail is shining brightly. Is it spite blackening your heart or a feeling of unfairness that they get to shine but you don’t or it could be something else. Who knows, maybe after reading this, you might be able to turn over a next leaf………

Dr. R

Chapter 38: Thoughts

Dear readers,

I think often. I do it sometimes without realising I’m doing it. I think to keep my sanity & because my mind never seems to cease from being active.

Thoughts are always on my mind. Whilst one comes and goes, another one comes in to take its place and when it passes away, in comes another one to take its place also, a never ending cycle. With the way I am, it’s impossible to stop myself from doing it, the things that pop up from nothing and plant themselves inside my head are always keeping my mind busy, always keeping my mind company. My mind will never be lonely as long as the creative vibes I find myself submerged in don’t shrivel up like a dry river, deprived of even the smallest trickles of water.

In times of stress, my thoughts are overwhelming and scary. In times of elation, they become warm and cheerful. In times of sadness, they turn solemn and melancholy. My thoughts are constantly flowing, constantly changing because no two days are the same, every day bringing its own unique challenges. Sometimes, my thoughts are my best friends, calming, assuring, voices of reasons to listen to. It seems weird saying that but it’s true, I’ve relied on them on many an occasion to get out of sticky situations. They keep me from going insane, I’m not afraid to admit that, without my thoughts, the only things flowing through my head would be demons from days past, retelling stories of regret, missed chances, stupid decisions and more, at least with my thoughts, I can put the past behind me and leave me to plan for the future.

With everything that’s been going on in the world recently, I have been thinking more than I usually do. Life is precious, one minute you can be having the time of your life but the very next minute could bring about a grim end with the blood of the dead being a sign that us humans are not invincible. With what’s being going on France, Nigeria, Syria, Iraq, Lebanon, Mali it’s hard not to think, hard not to switch off. The images of suffering, horror, disbelief, anguish, pain have touched many people and with them, many thoughts must have passed through their minds as they have with me. Why so much on the mind? It’s because something major has happened affecting millions of people, the atrocities that have happened make it impossible for our thoughts to ignore them.

Life’s cruel. It’s not fair. Dreaming of a better world though and suddenly all the imperfections that exist can be wiped out. Maybe life’s not really that bad when I think like that.

Dr. R

 

Chapter 36: Cyclone

Dear readers,

There he stood. The havoc raging and the ferocious wind swirling. He seemed startled as if he couldn’t believe what was happening, so startled that he questioned whether time itself had stopped. His body battered by Mother Nature’s iron fists, tired & wet with his memory hazy, struggling to remember anything, to him it was all a blur when the storm crashed down. He needed answers but all he had were questions. How did this happen? Why were there no warnings? What made this storm so strong? The weather’s change for the worse was wickedly swift, merciless in the way it torn apart anything in its sight, anyone caught in the torrential rain would realise that they would be swept off their feet as the gushing water around them would take them on an unexpected trip with only God knowing when and where the trip would end.

There he stood. Destiny had been kind to some but cruel to others as the water levels rose and the devastation continued. Mother Nature was using the force but she had joined the dark side to direct debris to lick off the head-tops of any soul in sight. Death-wishes were made even thought no-one had made them. To walk away from the situation, to find safety, to find the greener pastures, to find peace were all goals he would now try to achieve. To him, he thought that eventually the devastation would end and when that time occurred that it would be the time to stop the woe, to fix the grief, to repair the sickening memories that made him wince uncontrollably, to restore the tranquility that he knew before, to be in the right frame of mind during the aftermath.

There he stood. Pondering. Thinking. His mind roaming from one place to another. Just how exactly could he or anyone else recover from such a disaster. It seemed impossible at first, the storm had literally thrown the kitchen sink at everything in its way. With no clear path to the greener pastures, one must make their own path in order to get to safety. Clearing the hurdles in the lane without falling over takes time but the sight of the finish line keeps the hunger strong, to not give up and to leap over the obstacles. The circular gust of fury made its mark on the landscape, the sight of the havoc still ingrained in his mind. As surreal as it was, time was still ticking, the cuckoo bird waiting to call at the hour, he dreamed of brighter days to forget about the darker nights.

There he stood. Rubbing his eyes, pinching his skin, slapping his face hoping that everything he had witnessed was just his imagination playing tricks with him. He suddenly thought why everything had been such a blur to him, as if he’d been unconscious in the middle of the storm. He couldn’t remember what had brought about the bad weather. Before, he thought his mind was blank but now he realised his mind had never been more clearer and his vision was crystal clear, this was no dream. The fact of the matter was that he had stood there and watched the carnage start and only realised its severity once the carnage reached its peak. It’s strange, a lot of us seem to be unaware of the storm happening around us, it’s only when the alarm bells ring that we suddenly notice the chaos ripping the present apart. Eyes only open during the aftermath, when the severity of what is happening loses its dream-like qualities.

As fiction turns into non-fiction, the trance is broken and suddenly, all you can see hurtling towards you is a cyclone ready to chew you and spit you out, it’s a rude awakening.

Dr. R